Since '01
I’ve survived both bad scripts and bad contracts, so you don't have to.
One
RED CARPETS
& RUG PULLS
ENTER THE BUFFET
He’s mastered every fighting style… except portion control.
Wrinkleface: KUNG-Fu Grip
The saggy-faced hero returns to teach one final lesson.
Glowjob 2
He saved the world once with the power of light… now he’s back to finish the job.
The HaBBIT
One puff at a time, he’s blazing a trail through Middle-Earth.
White MIrror
He’s not just watching you… he’s becoming you.
Patty Cake 3: Final Clapdown
In the gritty underworld of competitive pat-a-cake, one wrong clap can end it all.
Two
Awards
Recognition for the wild, the weird, and the wildly effective.
Online
Achievements
Designed and launched a React based web platform that handled 1M+ visits in its first week with zero issues.
Migrated 150 WordPress Sites to Webflow in 90 days by scaling quickly with Upwork job market.
Increased CVR on Mike Tyson landing page prototype by 1.7% prior to championing a single A/B test.
Built web system that integrated with physical responders to handle toll account and payments.
Successfully managed a 6-hour livestream without any tech issues or awkward silences.
Delivered a pitch deck so compelling for NYC3, the client signed before we concluded the presentation.
Taught my Mom how to use ChatGPT. Her crafts are ridiculous now!😆
Hollyweird
Awards
Best Use of Fog Machine
Excellence in Parkour Over Furniture
Best Last-Minute Prop Substitution
Best Sword Draw Without Using Hands
People’s Choice for Most Unnecessary Shirtless Scene
pERSONAL
gOALS
Contribute to 10 open-source projects that push digital privacy forward.
Mentor 100 new people into safe online operations.
Give away $10,000 to help people get started online.
Design at least one breakthrough tool that makes the internet safer to use.
Master a new coding language.
Reach a BMI of 22.5.